The first couple of years in my blogging journey, the support was thankfully tremendous and I didn’t have to deal with criticism. People were so nice, so kind and supportive that it ignited a confidence I never truly had.
The trouble with gaining your confidence from external validation is that when this outside support fuels you, its absence — or criticism — can crush you. You have to connect to something deeper within.
True confidence, which I can talk more about later, develops from enduring trials, setbacks and the inevitable desire to quit, but continuing anyway.
Recently, I’ve been attracting haters. The most common critique is my voice, oddly, but I’ve also had random people offer unsolicited “feedback,” from what they called a sincere desire to help me improve. As if! (That’s a Clueless reference, if you don’t know. Now you know!)
The irony of this is that I teach people how to love who they are and accept themselves unconditionally. And then I receive emails from people who want me to change.
I cannot even fathom the audacity it takes to email someone and let them know that you just don’t approve of them. That boldness would surely be better applied elsewhere.
But the people who are spending their time criticizing everyone else are the exact same people who don’t have anything else going on.
That said, this is a blog about how to deal with criticism and turn haterade into Gatorade for top performance, so let’s get to it!
Here’s how to deal with criticism and haters like a goddess!
1. Criticism says more about the critic than it does you.
Perception is projection, so another person’s request reflects their perception of what they see, and not necessarily the truth.
Feedback is often about what the other person would like you to change so they can be happy, but they’ve fixated on this thing about you that annoys them, which is their trigger and says more about their unhealed wounds.
However your response highlights your own level of confidence and peace. If you’re annoyed or angry, then this illuminates your own unhealed wounds. So investigate that and see how you can shift.
If you need everyone to love you so you can be happy, that’s another unhealed wound. Tuning in to greater self-love will help you overcome that and lean how to deal with criticism. (You can develop unshakeable self-love in my course, Self-Love Supernova! Be sure to join when it opens for enrollment if that interests you!)
2. Love yourself more deeply.
If something hurts your feelings, this is a gift because it shows you where you need to love and accept yourself more. Everything about you is okay. It can feel painful to feel like
The things that someone else doesn’t like about you are the exact things another will adore, so love yourself and don’t you dare go changing who you are to please another person.
Most so-called feedback is only personal preference, and you can ignore that and choose to be who you are based on your preference!
3. Use the criticism as motivation to go even bigger.
When I received multiple types of “feedback” this week, it did throw me off a bit. I started to doubt myself.
But then I took action.
Wednesdays have been designated as video-making days, but this week I felt tired and contemplated skipping out on my promise to myself.
I thought about when I used to horseback ride, and everyone says to get right back on the horse after falling off. So, I got back on the horse of putting myself out into the world.
Instead of putting myself into a corner, wondering if it was okay to even release audio trainings anymore because if sooo many people think my voice is just the most boring, horrible sound they’ve ever heard, how can I possibly create audio offers?
But then I thought about this logically and realized that probably a lot of bloggers receive this type of feedback. They just don’t talk about it. (Of course I, the Queen of Authenticity, always do.)
And I thought about how I actually like my voice. I think it’s mellow and calming. (You can download a free guided meditation at the bottom of this post and see for yourself!)
And I know the content I release into the world is amazing. I don’t want to sell my soul short by not creating my desired projects as they come through me in order to make sure that a collection of haters are happy, because they won’t be.
And what a slippery slope to modify how I show up in the world based on what anyone thinks.
So I decided to make a video about how to deal with criticism and haters. Check it out below! The content in it is slightly different than in this blog post.
I noticed the crazy thoughts running around my head, I put some makeup on, ignored my crazy hair, ignored the thoughts that intensified as I was editing the video, nitpicking every little thing about myself, and I showed up anyway.
Because I have dreams and goals and plans and I am unstoppable. And that my friend is how you develop confidence. You. Keep. Going. Anyway.
How do you deal with criticism and haters? Share your story in the comments below.
Did you like this blog post? Share it with a friend who needs a little loving support!
All the love,