Over the past six months, I’ve quietly been healing from hardcore burnout.
The signs that my body was growing tired had been accumulating, but for awhile I pushed through.
I tried to rest, take care of myself, but it felt really hard. It felt like something was trapping me in old habits, and no matter how hard I tried, it felt damn near impossible to break free.
Finally, around November / December of last year, I’d had enough. I arranged my business to create space this year. Space for rest, self-inquiry and healing (through shadow work) — to find the root of whatever was holding me back (because the root is always within).
And boy, have I found the root.
Advanced shadow work training: Learn to release the root of anxiety and sadness.
Before, it felt like things just out of my control were always forcing me to prioritize work over my own self-care.
Tight deadlines and endless projects seemed to tie me down.
Then, I realized I make my own deadlines and create my own projects — the entire reason I work for myself is to have freedom — and actually, it wasn’t the deadlines. It was me.
Then, I moved onto thoughts like, “After this next course, I’ll be able to slow down.”
Then, I’d get another idea that felt super exciting, and on a burst of adrenaline, I’d run off again, only for the creative high to come down and leave me with a bunch of content that I LOVE to deliver.
That’s part of the problem. I LOVE my work. It’s fun. It’s my life purpose. And it changes lives.
I’ve lost count of the number of people who’ve told me even a few sessions of private mentoring or one of my courses has helped them find more inner peace and happiness than years of therapy.
I felt a responsibility and an obligation to continue getting my work into the world, often at the expense of my own self-care.
That was one of the first realizations I had related to healing burnout.
In identifying one of my core heart wounds, it was this sense of feeling responsible for other people’s healing. This created a martyrdom complex that left me sacrificing my own health and happiness to save other people.
Realizing that I was operating from that place created the first bit of space.
It allowed me to deepen into more self-care, and also widen my message and talk about things other than emotional healing — fun things that healing allows like boldly following your dreams and manifesting your desires.
But that was only the first layer in a very deep, nuanced relationship with myself at the individual level, and with feminine energy at the collective level.
If you’re not familiar with the feminine / masculine energy dynamic…
We all have feminine and masculine energy within us. Collectively, we have been living in an era ruled by the masculine, but we are transitioning into a more balanced world that also honors the feminine.
Right now, our society is patriarchal with men traditionally holding power. Although more women are stepping into leadership roles, what’s been slower to shift is the way we LIVE. Read more on Facebook or Instagram about how this relates to our inner knowing.
The masculine relates to the sun.
It’s action. Fiery. About making things happening, rules, structure and consistency. Competition and control.
Think about how our world is set up where many workers are expected to sit at desks, every day, from 8 a.m. until 5 or 6 p.m. We’re supposed to be productive based on a clock rather than our internal rhythms. Each day is expected to be the same like a robot.
(This is horrid! No creative person should put themselves through this potential-limiting hell. You can give the world your gifts and make your own way!)
The feminine relates to the moon.
Its attributes include receptivity, surrender, flow, allowing and cycles. It’s about collaboration and embracing the darkness.
The moon doesn’t have its own source of light, but rather reflects the light of the sun. The moon goes through phases and cycles, each with it’s own meaning and rhythm.
The moon sometimes shines brightly and other times goes completely dark.
Because the moon shines less brightly and lacks its own source of light, instead gracefully receiving the sun’s light and reflecting it back, it’s easy to think the moon is less powerful.
But it’s the moon, not the sun that influences the ocean’s tides. It’s the moon that influences emotions and inspired the term lunatic, not the sun.
Classically feminine qualities have until now been viewed as weak or wrong, but rising into our full power requires integrating them with masculine qualities.
Things like surrender, flow, receptivity, honoring cycles and emotions have traditionally been rejected or misunderstood, while masculine attributes like initiative, taking action, and consistency have been praised without limit.
Surrender for example, is not about letting people walk all over you, or floating like a leaf on a river — someone said that analogy to me once and I thought it was the most ridiculous, disempowering thing, but about fully accepting what is, and then responding.
Surrender is a feminine, quiet power that’s misunderstood and devalued in an overly masculine world.
In truth, to activate the fullness of your power and many gifts, you must balance all of these things. Living in the feminine is about taking powerful action and then stepping back to receive.
(The feminine can also be incredibly powerful and fierce, but that’s another blog!)
It’s also about truly honoring the cycles of life, and creating space to create and then relax rather than expecting ourselves to go, go, go all the time.
Respecting the Earth’s natural rhythms allows us to realize our full potential with more eased flow. (You will learn how to do this, and release everything in your way, in The Society of Spiritual Starlets.)
This relationship with feminine qualities mirrors the collective’s relationship with women themselves.
It’s not only feminine attributes that have been considered weak or bad, but the feminine itself.
Women, until not too long ago, were considered sinful and weak. The domain of man. Even the idea that women take the man’s name is a patriarchal tradition because a wife was once considered the property of her husband.
Why do you think so many women struggle with hating themselves or doubting their gifts? We’ve been taught that who we are, at our essence, is weak and wrong.
This is the mother wound. The inner war against our own feminine nature. The passed down pain of being a woman that we have the opportunity to heal.
It’s not always about having a bad relationship with your mom, although it can be.
But this war against feminine attributes and women themselves is why so many of us struggle with issues of self-worth, honoring our needs, feeling fully seen and heard, feeling worthy of love — just as we are.
This leaves us not only fighting to get our needs met, but fighting ourselves, and fighting any painful memories of feeling rejected, unworthy or not good enough.
Healing allows us to relax into our innate worth and discover a refreshing sense of wholeness. The healed feminine woman is nourished, cared for and radiant.
This is not anti-male, because the masculine has also been wounded. And men have been at war with their own inner feminine. Men AND women have been operating from masculine energy, and we are at a time in history of deep healing and rebalance.
With that foundation, here are a few ways healing the mother wound and the inner feminine will help you give your gifts to the world without burning out.
Release the feeling of not good enough:
This is a uniquely Western problem. The Dalai Lama, when asked about low self-esteem, was confused. This doesn’t exist in many other cultures because the innate divinity of humans is assumed without question.
Healing our relationship to our own inner feminine allows us to totally accept ourselves. It’s the path to reclaiming inner wholeness.
Releasing the idea that our feminine nature, needs, emotions, and desires are wrong, bad, or weak, allows us to trust ourselves and own who we are without apology.
Being a woman is what makes us powerful, not a threat to our power.
Giving ourselves what we need, rather than judging our needs, is what allows us to take up space in this world.
Action step: In what ways do you judge yourself or feel not good enough? Where does this come from? What does your higher self want you to know about why you ARE good enough?
Feel worthy of receiving (and safe to relax):
A lot of what keeps us in push, push, push mode are deeper fears around being worthy to receive or getting our needs met.
Blocks to receiving also block money, love, success, or even feeling well rested, energized and joyful.
Healing your inner feminine and the mother wound allows you to feel safe in letting go to receive. It allows you to magnetize your desires toward you rather than pushing so hard to make things happen.
It allows you to feel supported, let your nervous system totally relax from fight or flight, and instead trust that everything will come to you at exactly the right time.
Action step: When you think about creating space or letting go, what fears come up? How can you see them differently?
Finding love and satisfaction from within:
Another potential cause of burnout is the unconscious desire to receive love from your career, whether in the form of money, praise or admiration.
One of the problems with this is that any admiration you do receive is never enough. This keeps you on the hamster wheel of needing to do or achieve more, hoping that the next dose of praise or influx of cash will assuage the pain of feeling unloved.
When you heal the mother wound and access the love you desire from within, and from Mother Nature, you no longer need this external validation. This allows you to create from a sense of joy rather an unconscious desire to receive love from outside of you.
You are worthy because you are, not because of anything you do or achieve.
Action step: If you gave only from a place of joy, what would you want to give to the world?
Healing requires both deep emotional work and reprogramming your conscious mind to install new, more affirming beliefs.
This is the work I’m here to help you with through 1:1 mentoring (currently booking September), courses and my brand new membership! (Details on that below.)
This was a big, nuanced article! I feel like I could go much deeper into all of these themes, but hopefully this helps you understand yourself more deeply.
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
Would this blog be helpful to anyone you know or love? Email it to them, or share on social media!
All the love,
p.s. I am sooo thrilled to announce that The Society of Spiritual Starlets will open its doors to founding members on Monday!
This is the ultimate online membership community for ambitious free spirits who want to heal their hearts, manifest their dreams, and shine as the stars of their lives.
If you’re ready to stop shoving yourself in the box of what others think you should be, and instead connect to your soul and live a life that’s true to you, then you need this community.
We will kick things off with a live Starlet invocation on Friday, July 27, which just happens to be a full moon and the longest, most powerful eclipse of the century.
Astrologers say it’s a powerful time to clear away past emotional baggage, which is PERFECT because in The Society’s very first official training, you’ll learn my signature process of shadow work and inner child healing for releasing the core of what holds you back.
This is the most important spiritual and personal development work you can do, and is what will give you the inner freedom for happiness and to follow your dreams without self-sabotage. More details soon.
For years, people have been asking if I had an ongoing Facebook group because the groups that gather during my courses are so awesome!
Now I’ve decided to combine the power of community, helping you feel a real and true sense of belonging with like-hearted people so you don’t have to feel like the weird woo woo one anymore, with powerful monthly spiritual and personal development trainings that will help you transform your life from the inside out.
Everything changes when you stop trying to figure things out alone (this is self-sabotage, not a virtue!) and allow yourself to receive support.
My intention is for this to be the safe space for you, where you come home to yourself, connect to your heart, express scary truths, release heavy things, step into your power, and learn to shake your saucy hips and bask in the spotlight of life like you deserve to.
Trainings will cover topics like:
- Understanding the link between chakras and emotions for healing and manifesting your dreams
- Understanding the specific messages of emotions (senses of the soul)
- How to let go and trust the process
- Living in flow and soul alignment
- Finding your life purpose
- How to forgive
- Manifesting like a mofo with total flow, ease and fun
- Healing the mother wound
- How to believe in yourself
- Living in harmony and manifesting with moon cycles
- And so much more!
This is going to be epic, and nothing else like it exists! It’s so affordable, too!
Stay tuned for Monday when doors open. You do not want to miss this live invocation on this historic full moon eclipse.