(If you’d love to love your imperfections, this article is for you. 🙂 )
One of the main reasons people feel detached, disconnected or unhappy is because we separate ourselves not only from our true selves, our souls, but also from pieces of our personality.
Self-fragmentation is the common practice of picking out pieces of you that you like or dislike, are worthy or not, and then consciously choosing which to show to the world and which to hide.
Those pieces in the dark form the shadow, and they don’t go away. I’ve talked about this before a lot and did a whole training on it in The Starlets membership group.
Deeper, when you hide pieces that you consider negative because you don’t love your imperfections, you’re also diminishing your ability to express the positive aspect of that quality.
Everything is connected to a larger whole.
Advanced shadow work training: Learn to release the root of anxiety and sadness.
You can’t remove something without losing some essential part of the whole.
The unique magic that makes you, you.
We don’t have to be perfect, and in fact our imperfections make us the most lovable to those who are meant to love us. The biggest journey is for you to love your imperfections.
Our imperfections are what make us unique, not the masks of perfection so many people try to wear.
Perfection makes you boring. Mass produced. Utterly forgettable.
Those who find our imperfections annoying, or are triggered by them, are simply those for whom we are not meant.
The trouble is so many people go through life trying to hide their imperfections that we lose all sense of who we are.
This goes beyond learning to love your imperfections personality-wise and includes the circumstances of our lives, too.
I am who I am because of the trauma and tragedy I’ve survived.
Having cancer has shaped me in good and bad ways, as did losing my father and sister a year apart from each other as an early teen.
These experiences carved me in many ways, both good and bad, and together they create a whole that is more complete than the parts.
(To give you an example of my crazy black humor, on the Halloween after my last chemo treatment, I joked I was going to be a monk and wear an orange robe to complement my bald head.
Part of what’s given me this weird sense of black humor is all the things I’ve experienced, flavored by the unique essence of me. No doubt some people would be offended by that joke. Those aren’t my people.
If I hide who I am, the parts of me in hiding don’t go away. Rather I end up disconnected and lose the essential part of what makes me, me.
How can you be loved for who you are if you never show the world who you are, but rather who you think you should be?)
When you love your imperfections, you allow yourself to receive authentic love.
The Japanese art of Kintsugi involves repairing broken pottery with powdered gold.
The result is a magical creation that transforms the cracks into something beautiful, sacred, and wholly irreplaceable rather than something that could be an eyesore.
Considering how this applies to our daily lives —
Most people seek to ignore their imperfections and cracks, shoving some shoddy glue in there while hoping nobody notices all while simultaneously wishing the imperfection didn’t exist.
They spend time freaking out about their cracks rather than embracing them, and turning them into something beautiful. Into art.
This is the same as resisting the things that happen to us, the lessons, and the potential for beauty, even amid the imperfections.
When you summon the courage to go beyond not only appreciating the cracks in your being, but illuminating them with gold, everything changes.
Life turns into a joyous celebration. You feel free and alive. Weightless and… sassy.
Fully owning all that you are, and all that you were, and celebrating you’ve become — scars, cracks and all — this is how you remember your wholeness. This is how you love your imperfections.
I think about this every time I look at myself naked in the mirror.
After cancer I got a double mastectomy, and so big jagged scars run through the middle of my hard, lumpy chest.
Sometimes it hurts to see and I feel like a monster. Those are the bad moments.
Many other times, I look in awe at my scars. They’re all over my body, but most times I don’t see them as something that’s damaged, but as something that’s healed.
Once I was broken, but now I have become whole. This is how you love your imperfections.
It’s one thing to think about our life experiences and how they’ve shaped us, but what about our more individual personality traits?
I am a survivor. I am also feisty as fuck.
They go together. If I was not feisty, I may not have survived.
People often place value on being a survivor, but then don’t want to see what it takes behind the scenes.
They want the ballerina en pointe, but not the bloody, calloused foot beneath the shiny shoe.
You can’t have one without the other. Each is an essential part of the whole.
Take a moment to consider what traits or characteristics you judge in yourself…
If you look closely you will find they’re the shadow of your greatest strengths.
The problem is that many people often don’t hold space for people’s imperfections or rough edges because we aren’t able to hold space for our own.
Whenever we’re triggered emotionally, or inspired to pound our fist and state our point of view, it’s because we’re defending or trying to hide a part of ourselves. It’s never about what happens outside of you, but what’s happening within you.
When you allow yourself to honor, love, appreciate and integrate all parts of you, they become whole, and you also increase your capacity to hold space for others’ imperfections.
The parts and pieces stop competing. Your relationships get better. Your life becomes an honest reflection of you.
There may be times of transition when you’re learning how to fit the pieces together in a harmonious way, but that’s your process, and it’s sacred, and it too doesn’t have to be perfect.
We aren’t alive to be perfect.
To love your imperfections is the most profound thing you can do because it’s about loving all of you.
Even spirituality isn’t about being boring, personality-less, desire-less, and losing all sense of what makes you, you. I stand against this idea. It turns a lot of people off from going within, and I feel it makes the world an overall less interesting place.
It creates a lot of quackery and ends up putting a lot of people on pedestals who don’t really deserve to be there.
We’re all human. We all make mistakes. We all have imperfections. And we all have the ability to transform whatever pieces are within us into a new, more beautiful, more interesting and more memorable whole.
How you choose to put the pieces together is entirely up to you, and that’s the magic.
Just know that this journey isn’t about being perfect or faultless or even living up to some false idea of what love is.
It’s just about being human, loving the journey, and being REAL. Letting what’s inside of you out to the surface rather than hiding those parts of you that you fear are wrong, bad or unworthy.
To realize your full potential and truly unleash the depths of what you have to give to the world, you have to own ALL of you.
Every single ounce. Because it all has value. It all has meaning. And it’s all ultimately here to help you become who you’re meant to be.
When you love your imperfections, you see they’re PART of your value, and not something that diminishes it.
This is the perfect foundation for the upcoming life purpose and passion masterclass in The Starlets.
We’ll explore how to uncover the unique essence of you so you can create a life of fulfillment, centered around being who you really are rather than who you think you should be.
You’ll walk away knowing how to identify and delete any programming keeping you unhappy or feeling stuck. This will help you create inner freedom and show up more authentically at work, home, school, and in your relationships.
You’ll learn how to love your imperfections.
This ISN’T (necessarily) about finding some thing that will allow you to quit your job tomorrow, but rather connecting to your true gifts and what’s valuable within you.
Knowing this will help you earn more money, feel more confident in your worth and pursue more exciting opportunities that you may not have before.
The Starlets is a fun, sassy and committed group full of like-minded people where you can let it all hang out and come be totally you.
I am so enjoying getting to know everyone and am excited to build this into a truly loving and supportive community that nurtures people as they create lives they love.
In this space, you will learn how to be truly free, connect to your soul and create a life based on that connection, rather than whatever you fear is expected of you.
If this is resonates with you, I’d love for you to join us!
Head here for more info and to sign up: SuzanneHeyn.com/the-society-of-spiritual-starlets
So come on, let’s go —
It’s time to show the world who you really are.
All the love,
PS — In case you scrolled to the bottom of the page, we are diving deep into finding (or deepening into) your life purpose and passion the Starlet way on Wednesday in the Society. Click here to join us if you want to clear away all the stuff keeping you from being who you most want to be.
PPS — When I conceived of doing the daily blogging and video challenge (Day 4!), I wasn’t thinking about what would happen on the weekends! I’m feeling a little tired so skipped the video today because #alignment, will take the weekends off because #life, and resume the daily content next week. I’m interested to hear what you think. Do you like the daily emails or is it too much?