I’m not sure people know how important it is to overcome the fear of loss because it holds them back from following their dreams. I know I didn’t.
I never thought about that specific fear even with so much trauma – my father died of cancer when I was 14, my sister killed herself the next year, and then at 27, I was diagnosed with not only breast cancer, but the BRCA2 mutation which resulted in me having my ovaries removed along with my boobs after chemo.
I’ve thought about these experiences in many different ways. Mostly in terms of how they felt, what I’d lost, and what wisdom I could gain from them.
But never really how that experience of loss affected my beliefs about what was possible.
It’s one of those things where it’s easy to intellectually say, “bring the success on, world!,” when the reality was very different.
It wasn’t until late last year, when my business had some amazing breakthroughs, that I freaked out.
This is an upper limit, and we all have them. Hitting these upper limits of love or success or money or happiness often creates self-sabotage.
I got literally sick. Then I bounced back, only to get knocked off kilter again.
This year, I lost my grounding. Felt physically and emotionally tired. Somehow in my brain, a few rocky events made my entire business seem like a meaningless failure. It’s like I didn’t even see my success. It didn’t feel real.
The only thing that felt real was the loss.
That’s what I attached to. That’s what I created.
As humans, our fear of loss and death can make painful events seem more real that happy ones.
And when the fear of loss influences how we perceive and react to our lives, we create situations that don’t have to be that way.
But first, I had to learn that.
With my life crashing to a halt, I found myself wondering why, after all that work, the ups and downs, did it feel like I’d returned back to the start? Almost as if nothing had happened.
For awhile I felt existential about this.
I pondered Buddhist monks who painstakingly pour colored sand into sacred geometry-shaped mandalas only to sweep it all away, a practice of impermanence.
I looked outside and saw the mall across the street and thought about how all of civilization is about building things that could be demolished any minute.
I started to wonder – why bother? Why bother creating anything at all when what comes goes so easy?
Is all gain an illusion?
But I also thought about this conversation I’d had with a mentor who recognized the inner turmoil I was experiencing came from a fear of loss.
A fear so deep it eventually manifested as physical symptoms that, at the most subconscious level, kept me safe. In a cocoon. Where nothing could be gained, but nothing else could be lost.
I continued grappling with the question – how DO you overcome the fear of loss?
I couldn’t see beyond it. It’s not just a fear. It’s fucking real!
Then today, I realized something beautiful:
I may have felt frustrated lately, like things have come and gone, and all gain is an illusion.
But then I realized I was looking in the wrong place.
I was looking at my outside life, the THINGS that flow in and out, as if they are the source.
They are not. God is the source.
Manifested things come and go.
Money comes and goes. Experiences come and go. People come and go. Emotions come and go. THAT is the truth of impermanence.
These things are results, but they are not the cause, the source.
When we look to change our lives, what we actually want to change is our emotional experience. How we feel.
The quality of energy flowing through us. The quality of source flowing through us. The quality of our relationship to source.
The quality of our relationship to source and our lives and ourselves is who we are.
And the quality of who we are is always a choice and can never be taken away from us. That is the only thing we have in our control.
Over the past few years, I have changed.
I have become a person who creates those things, who built a blog and a business from scratch. Who overcame her fear and packaged her knowledge into programs and healing modalities that have helped people heal very real trauma and pain to embrace their truest gifts.
I have become a person who knows how to tap into her inner being and create things. Just because some things went away, it doesn’t matter.
Things aren’t less real because they’re gone. The bigger truth is they can be created again. Knowing this will help you overcome the fear of loss.
The truth of infinite creation is why millionaires can go bankrupt and become millionaires again within months. The money doesn’t make them rich, their mindset does.
That’s why champions are champions. Not because they won a race, or are even talented, but because they’re disciplined.
And that’s what makes successful people successful. Not a title or an award or even who they know. It’s who they are. The person they became.
The infinite creator never stops creating.
We may lose things.
My sister will never come back. My father is gone forever. My body will never be the same.
But what I can never lose is my soul or my connection the creator of all things. A creator who keeps my heart beating, my ideas flowing and the sun rising again.
That’s how to overcome the fear of loss.
It’s okay to be scared that you’ll lose things.
You WILL lose people along the way. Relationships will shift. You’ll experience ups and downs. Parts of yourself will die to make room for the new.
Loss is an inevitable part of life.
But what we’ve got to start thinking about more is how the tide always turns. Another cycle begins. There is ALWAYS more available to us.
And the more you can know that in your heart, the more you’ll be able to open up and receive all the incredible goodness that wants to flow into your life and blow your mind.
Build yourself up because you can only receive as much as you can handle, and in my experience, we tend to be way more primed for pain than for pleasure.
It’s time to change that. It’s time to let ourselves GAIN.
Some things will be lost. But they can’t compare to what will be found.
If this resonated with you, let me know by commenting below. Share this post with someone you love.
All the love,
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Eat Clean, Play Dirty (AWESOME cookbook from the founders of Sakara)