If the thought, “Am I a bitch?” has ever crossed your mind, then this article is for you!
For a long time, one singular fear has held me back from going all out, living my truth unapologetically, and go all in being me.
I WAS expressing my true self, to a point.
After all, I’ve become known for my revealing, sometimes embarrassing shares that people always relate to and say it’s like reading pages from their own journal.
I have no problem baring my soul or sharing how I truly think and feel, which is big progress for me — someone who became a writer because words always got stuck in her throat and she never felt sure how to truly express herself.
Words were always a way to take my time and connect to the truth of how I felt.
But the thing about writing is it’s safe. You can edit words. Take your time with choosing them. Delete things that may have powerfully shaped reality, but with a swipe of a finger, fade into the void.
As my work has become more public, my filter has expanded. Does that sound okay? Am I being too harsh or blunt?
Am I a bitch?
And this, this was my greatest fear — that I’m a bitch.
It was really holding me back, trapped in self-censorship.
I’m in a coaching program right now with a business mentor, and it’s all about tapping into the core essence of you, letting it all out.
With the ultimate intention to be more fully me and grow my business along the way, which is my goal and vision, and probably a goal a lot of people in this community have.
Because when you’re obsessed with giving your gifts to the world and have a rebellious, free-spirited soul, a lot of times you are lead to creative self-employment.
It’s taken me a long time to admit that I only wanted to work with smart, driven, high-achievers (because I didn’t want to be an exclusionary asshole) but this is the community I’m building, the energy of which is very important because it’s a place for those driven to excellence, and overflowing with passion and drive.
Full of people who are a little zany, a little crazy, but super smart and with a lot to unleash to the world.
I wouldn’t have said something like that, even a week ago probably. I almost deleted it now. Am I a bitch?
How funny is it that we so quickly judge our deepest desires as wrong and wonder if they’re okay.
No wonder we don’t allow ourselves to create the lives we really want, or find ourselves in energetic quicksand regardless of the actions we take.
Getting to a place of full acceptance of our desires is the most important thing on this journey because if you don’t, you’ll hold yourself back in so many ways.
The fear of being mean or bratty or ungrateful or wondering, Am I a bitch?, JUST FOR SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH AND BEING YOU — is a fear I’ve found holds a lot of driven people back from fully realizing their potential.
Many social norms are created to help average people feel comfortable rather than encourage driven, passionate people to go all out and achieve their goals.
EVERYONE I think worries — am I a bitch, but most people just hide their true feelings rather than show up as exactly who they are.
Even in spirituality, which is at the core about fully loving and accepting yourself, passion and ambition are met with this sort of derision. Even having an opinion is considered wrong!
Oh honey you are being so defensive. Your ego is inflamed. Why don’t you go meditate? It makes you wonder — am I a bitch?
These people just don’t get it. First of all, who is the one full of ego — the person expressing their truth or the person commenting on another person’s experience?
The latter, I say. It is wrong for people to assume they know enough about who you are, and your true goals, motivations and desires, and then project that limited viewpoint onto you.
I stand so strongly against this because it’s exactly why so many people fail to realize their full potential and dreams, and get caught up in a lifetime of people pleasing where you end up some boring hollow shell of who you know you could be.
Over time, it’s easy to internalize these comments and social expectations.
They become an endless stream of self-doubt and criticism that stops you from going within, hearing the needs and desires of your soul, and — the most important step of all — actually listening to them.
We’re all ultimately responsible for our own experience, but it’s important to talk about this because the more fully you shine your bright light, the more people will judge, condemn and attack.
Then you wonder, am I a bitch?
That’s not a bad thing. It’s actually good. It means you’re being fully you and taking up so much space that your mere existence is pushing others’ buttons.
When other people take time from their day to comment on your experience, they are choosing to attach themselves to your perspectives, and that means you are incredibly powerful.
What’s really important is how you respond — do you back down and retreat? Or do you stand your ground and continue to imprint your energetic direction into the void from which all things are created?
Stand your ground, and change will come. Retreat and retract and everything stays the same. As always, the choice is yours. But that question — am I a bitch? Let it go! Be at peace with who you are.
Being so clear in who you aren’t isn’t always easy.
I mean, as all out as I’ve been over the past few years, I was still censoring myself.
My inner thought process was like: OMG I have to be nice. Am I nice? Should I say that? Does that make me not spiritual? Does that sound unloving? Am I a bitch?
What this is, at the core, was a fear that I am somehow wrong or bad. As much as I love and accept myself and honor my impulses, that internal fear of being an asshole really held me back.
So yesterday, I posted this fear in the FB group for the program I’m in, and my mentor asked me a question that flipped my perspective so fast and probably changed the entire trajectory of my life, or at least sped it up ten-fold:
“How is this a good thing if it’s true?”
Wow. Being an asshole. Potentially a good thing?
I’m not talking about being mean for the sake of being mean. That’s not cool.
What I am talking about is being unapologetic on a whole new level.
Letting go of who we think we are or must be in order to show up as who we truly are.
This journey is always deepening, we are always shedding more layers to allow more of our true light shine.
It just so happens that another person I’ve worked with recently has had his fair share of controversy. I admire him because he really sticks to his guns. He’s unapologetically him and doesn’t allow people to sway him.
He’s an asshole… but he’s a lovable asshole.
That was such a lightening bulb moment for me.
What if it was possible to be a lovable asshole, if I am indeed an asshole?
What if there was nothing wrong with me?
What if it was okay to speak my truth even if others don’t like it?
What if embracing myself even more deeply, even the parts I’m afraid make me unlovable, help me fire the flames of my passion even bigger, be stronger in who I am, what I stand for and against, and in turn inspires the unconventional dreamers I am here to inspire to do what they want, follow their dreams, and fuck what other people think!
Because the truth is, I’m tired of feeling sometimes meek and apologetic when I have a raging fire, fiesty spirit and heart full of gold inside.
I know I am meant to take up space, radiate charisma and magnetism, and doing this is the ONLY way to create the life I’m meant for. I wasn’t born to apologize for who I am and shrink back creating space for others to shine.
I was born to stand up tall, shine my light, join in with others who are doing the same, and ignite that fire and passion in others who are ready to stop blending in and start standing out.
And if you’ve read this far, you know you are, too. #spiritualstarlet
// side note of blogging every day — it’s really forcing me to get authentic with myself in a way that I think I lost connection to while writing about what I thought I had to write about because that’s what I was known for.
This 30-day challenge is like clearing all the gunk standing in between me and my soul, helping me get to the absolute core truth.
And it’s only Day 3.
The video, if you want to check it out, was an Instagram live.
So come on, let’s go —
It’s time to show the world who you really are.
All the love,
PS — Are you ready to create movement in life, get crystal clear on your desires, step deeper into purpose or discover what it is, and unleash the truest expression of you?
Then it’s time to join The Society of Spiritual Starlets, the ONLY membership community for ambitious free spirits who want to heal their hearts, manifest their dreams and shine as the stars of their lives.
Our next training on how to find your life purpose and passion the Starlet way is happening on Wednesday.
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