How to get your groove back after your soul is crushed - Suzanne Heyn

How to get your groove back after your soul is crushed

I remember the day I walked back into work after my first chemo treatment.

I still had my hair – it takes like two weeks to fall out – but even though outside everything looked the same, everything had changed.

It’s hard to explain. It wasn’t the needle the nurse poked through the port in my chest. Or the look of my now-husband as he gripped my hand while we waited for it to go in.

Or the nausea that came because the meds were pretty good and I didn’t puke once.

But everything had changed. It was an energetic violation. Maybe like soldiers feel when they see things nobody else will ever understand.


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Cancer broke me in a way I’d never been broken before. It feels stupid to write about it now, 8 years later, but I’m still so tired some days. It still haunts me. Something I’m always running from. Not so much the fear that it would come back, but the indignity of losing my hair, my boobs, my ability to care for myself.

Everything stripped away beyond my control. Your body a wasteland. To save your life but kill your soul.

I lost my mind for years. Everyone thought I should be happy. I was alive. But nothing was the same. You can’t go back to being you. There’s nothing left.


So how do you come back after being whittled away to nothing?


1. You feel.

All the rage and anger and sadness and grief that nobody will ever understand. You can’t expect them to. It’s unfair and you’ll be waiting forever.

They’ll think you’re crazy and judge you for it. Feel anyway.


2. Be creative.

Make pottery. Break pottery. When I was healing one day I smashed a bunch of tiles with a hammer and created a mosaic flower pot. The creation was fun, but the destruction was funner. (Yes, I know that’s not a word. It is now.)


3. Dance.

Feel your body move and learn to trust it again. Even if you’re not healing from physical illness, the key to trusting life is trusting your body.


4. Meditate.

Connect to the still center within that nothing can touch. It’s there. Keep digging until you find it.

Download the meditation for deep heart healing below.
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5. Release the idea that you’re being punished by the universe.

You’re not. No matter how bad you have it, many people have it way worse. Be grateful for the little things. There’s always something to be grateful for.


6. Find the wisdom.

Approach all life struggles for what they are – an opportunity to learn from life. To become the warrior that you are. Finding meaning makes anything bearable.


7. Laugh when you can.

My last chemo treatment was around Halloween. I joked that I was going to be a monk, bald with an orange robe. I didn’t actually dress up, but the joke made me happy. It’s okay to have black humor. It can be fun and it shocks other people, and that’s fun too.


8. Travel.

It heals the soul. Go someplace sunny, preferably by the beach. Do yoga and drink smoothies. Let that loving energy heal you from the inside out.


9. Take your time.

It took me about five years before I started feeling normal again. Maybe that’s a long time. I don’t know and I don’t care. It’s my life. My heart. My pain. My transformation. I know that now. I don’t hide how I feel to make others happy. That almost killed me and I will never make that mistake again.


And above all…

know that no matter how alone you feel, you’re never truly alone. This life isn’t always easy, but you will come back from this. You will heal. You will find the love and the meaning. And you will one day dazzle the world with all the love you have to give.

Love that you found in the darkest of places.


And finally, share the love. Connection turns struggle sweet. Share this article with someone who needs it.


Lots of love,



p.s. If you’d like to take your journey a step further and learn how to meditate using my powerful techniques for deep heart healing, click here to learn more about my 30-day course, The Magic of Meditation!


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Suzanne Heyn is a spiritual blogger and online course creator here to help soulful creatives live from the heart. If you're ready to discover your purpose, live in abundance and experience the freedom your heart longs for, you're in the right place. All the wisdom you need is right inside your soul, and I’m here to help you find it.

  • Amy Mareno says:

    Inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing your experience & your thoughts. We are never the same after our hearts are broken & our soul is crushed. I think we just adapt , & evolution is incredibly painful. But we are not here in this life to be the enjoyers or the controllers, we are here to serve in the best possible capacity to the best of our ability. The hardest part: even though I am broken, can I still give love to others? Can I find some way to be a light in this world? This is how the human predicament in all its tragedy, this is what it’s made to do. You are right, own all the ranges that your emotional body experiences. You are under no circumstance to make sense to anyone. Healing & adapting is never linear & it is foolish to compartmentalism it as such. You are right, love that you found your darkest places, & in the darkness still be a being of absolute love.

  • chelsea says:

    this really spoke to me. i lost my grandfather, who was larger than life, only 3 weeks after he had lost his last remaining sibling and closest sister. the seismic impact they left in our extended family has rocked us more than we ever thought possible and i go between multiple spouts of clarity and madness. my struggle feels so small compared to yours and i have to remind myself often to center myself and stay positive and grateful. your voice is so refreshing, inspiring, honest and real.

    thank you for this times a million.

  • […] We need space to digest life experiences. And even if something happened a long time ago, you may still need space to feel and heal. Time alone does not heal. We must actively participate in our own transformation. […]

  • Mrs O says:

    Thank you so much for this.
    Today I was definitely feeling crushed, even though it is more than two years since my life changing accident.
    I identified with what you described and it feels good to know I’m not alone and that despite the soul destroying lows, there is hope and joy and laughter.
    I needed to read this today and there it was, a little gift from Pinterest and from you Suzanne.
    Thank you so much. xXx

    • Suzanne says:

      Hi Mrs. O,

      I’m so sorry to hear that you’re still struggling after a difficult time. This too has meaning and I have no doubt that you will rekindle your joy and find your peace once again.

      Sending you lots of love,

  • Jillian Blosser says:

    I happened to stumble across this today and it is just as I’ve decided to take a solo trip to get myself back. I was the most independent person, traveled the country with just my Golden Retriever as a traveling ER nurse prior to me getting sick 8 years ago and it made me happy that you said it took you years, to get back to you, I felt I wasn’t alone as in “this is taking too long I should be back to myself”. I was in the hospital bedbound for a year with MS. This past week I’ve decided to take a trip back to Texas where I first felt my life get awesome in my 20’s. I’m now married living in Wyoming with 3 Golden Retrievers. So I’m going to visit a friend from my old ER with the Golden that I traveled with. My husband will hold down the fort back in Wyoming with our other 2 dogs – and I’m going to take 3 weeks to get my sparkle back – SO EXCITED!

  • Don Hill says:

    I learned recently that I have dementia. “Soul crushing” is the only word that I can think of to describe it. My son lectures me for what seems like an eternity. The subject of his rants are about whatever he thinks is wrong with me. It feels like an assault and I beg him to stop but he never does. I’m only 63 years old and the news hit me like a truck. I’m scared and I obsess about how quickly I’m declining. I’m experiencing great amounts of pain in my chest and terrible panic attacks. I just don’t know how to fix it. I’m really scared.

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