- in Into The World , Life Purpose , Mindset
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It’s not sexy, but it’s the key to everything good in life
“Without the strength to endure the crisis, one will not see the opportunity within. It is within the process of endurance that opportunity reveals itself.” — Chin-Ning Chu, a prominent Chinese-American businesswoman, as quoted in Think and Grow Rich for Women.
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Such a non-sexy word in a world of instant gratification, longing for overnight success and doing what only feels good.
Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps the ability to do what feels good is BECAUSE of endurance, and not in spite of it.
After all, how can you enjoy the strength, agility and flexibility of a healthy body without the ability to endure the discipline of exercise and healthy diet?
How can you enjoy the freedom, flow and fun that comes from making your own rules, being your own boss, or achieving whatever other dream your heart desires, without the endurance to continue even when you want to quit, or when it looks like it’s not working, or it (momentarily) stops being fun.
This is an interesting conversation to enter because the more I get into personal development, the more I’ve been learning about flow, alignment, and challenging previously cherished ideals that glorified pain and struggle.
These ideals came from my own experience with trauma, but to truly thrive, we must learn to let go of the story that life is hard and embrace a bigger truth —
Life can feel really good.
In fact, I think life is supposed to feel good.
The pain, sadness, anger, anxiety we feel, these are signs that we’re out of alignment. Doing things that are not meant for us, or aligned with our souls.
We’ve all bought into the collective lie that’s it’s virtuous to suffer.
We feel GUILTY when we feel good, and that’s the real problem. Like pleasure is a sin.
It’s not, and we can only truly be of service to the world, infuse it with more loving energy, and help people and causes who need it, when we allow ourselves to bask in the infinite pleasure available to us.
But first — endurance.
When we break into a new layer, there’s always a layer of atmospheric turbulence. Old paradigms don’t WANT to break. They’re dense and heavy.
Transcending them requires embodying your new desired reality for a long enough time to disrupt the heavy energy of the old paradigm, meaning the thoughts, beliefs and unhealed wounds that have created a reality with more pain, darkness, stress, and limitation than is necessary.
(This is why it’s so important to have support along the journey. To not only illuminate the invisible, suffocating beliefs keeping you entrenched in pain and suffering, but also to support you as that atmospheric turbulence seeks to stop you from breaking through. Mentors help you go further, faster.)
Breaking through that atmospheric pressure — THAT is endurance.
I’m the least likely person to be writing to you about this topic.
I used to quit everything. Until my late 20s, I didn’t have a job or a boyfriend for longer than three months.
I once lived in seven states in three years.
I thrived off my long-awaited (until I left the house, really) ability to move and do wherever the fuck I wanted.
Things got uncomfortable? I’d leave.
It began to feel hard? I’d quit.
I had zero ability to sit with discomfort, and this started with my inability to sit with painful feelings, even though at the time, I didn’t know that was the true cause.
I lacked serenity, that feeling of being at peace in my body.
My experience was the exact opposite.
I lived with a relentless premonition there was someplace else to be.
That I was supposed to be somewhere else, and because I wasn’t I was ruining my life.
With bad choice, after bad choice.
I couldn’t sit still, and constantly felt the need to run away, only there was never anywhere to go.
As soon as I arrived someplace new, I’d immediately start plotting my next steps.
This was never-ending.
Always hoping the solution was in the next place, on the next adventure, inside some other person, and then inevitably…
Being so disappointed and disheartened and feeling like there was something wrong with me when The Thing could never be found.
And then I got cancer.
Four months of treatment, and then surgery.
For the first time in my life, there was nowhere to run.
I had to sit. Feel the physical pain. The exhaustion. The fear. The discomfort.
I couldn’t run away.
For the first time, I realized it was all inside of me.
It hurt, but it brought me to the present.
The words kept repeating inside my mind, “This is a season of endurance.”
Only, I had no idea what was coming.
I thought after treatment, I’d be able to start running again.
But the emotional pain only grew. It was like a soldier, coming home only to find the nightmare of the battle field had followed her. And no longer was she surrounded by others who know exactly what she went through, but instead a sea of civilians who can’t understand the horror.
They want the soldier back, the same as she was before he left, but that person is gone. She doesn’t exist anymore. Some believe the expectation to return to normal as if nothing ever happened is the true cause of PTSD.
Not the incident. Not in a space where there is a community of people all enduring together.
But after the war ends, or the soldier returns home.
I may not have fought a foreign war, but survived one inside my body.
After it ended, everyone expected me to go back to normal.
But the girl I once was, her innocence, her pure desire to outrun her pain — she was gone. For better or worse, she had learned how to endure.
Around this time, I lost my mind.
I’d scream into pillows, fill my car with an ungodly, anguished shrieking.
My husband would anxiously plead for me to hush. “What if the neighbors call the cops?”
My co-workers didn’t understand. “Why are you so angry?” they asked.
Things sometimes get worse before they get better.
All I wanted to do was leave. I wanted to stop enduring and start running, but life sat me down and told me to shut up. I was going to have to learn how to endure some more.
Joe and I stayed in the small Arizona town we both grew to hate for a year after treatment ended, for various reasons.
When we finally moved outside Phoenix, I soon hated it there, too.
That’s what running does. When you’re making decisions wanting to be anywhere but here, or from the energy of resistance, running from yourself…
You take that quality of self-hate, resistance, and anywhere but here wherever you go, whatever new job, town, relationship or other circumstance.
You’re not directing your life, but creating a series of spasmodic circumstances based on your unwillingness to feel your pain. Only when you’re truly rooted inside yourself can you connect to your true desires.
However, connecting to the true you requires sitting with the layers of unfelt emotions that have accumulated over possibly a lifetime.
This is why the platform of all real change starts with accepting everything exactly as it is. Going within. And facing all the things you’d rather run away from.
Finally, thankfully, I recognized the insanity and went within.
Started to meditate. Feel my feelings. Stopped running away.
The shifts were miraculous.
Finally, I could sit inside myself for long enough to write without feeling like the effort of translating my energy into words was shrapnel from within seeking to slice open my skin.
Finally I accepted living someplace I hated so that I could begin the process of creating real change in my life, change based on acceptance rather than resistance.
That’s how I finally started my blog — the thing I always wanted to do, but never could because I couldn’t stop running from myself.
Finally I had the skills to continue even when things got hard.
Over the course of building my blog and business, I’ve cried so many tears and wanted to give up so many times.
(Giving up or never trying may seem comfortable, but actually guarantees long-term pain. The consequence of that decision is a life lived out of alignment with your true self, which will NEVER lead to happiness. At best, it guarantees a sleepy life of boredom and conformity.)
For those reasons, I’d always conclude — nah. I’m not giving up.
This is what I want. I can’t stop.
And that is because I learned endurance.
Because in the depths of my pain, I learned how to stop running away.
I learned how to dig deeper even when I thought I’d given it my all.
I learned how to stop fantasizing that some moment other than this was where I was supposed to be, and learned that life is right here, right now, even when I don’t want it to be.
The truth doesn’t care what you think of it.
It’s easy to want life to save you, but life put you exactly where you are, so you learn to save yourself. Click To Tweet
So you would dig deep and grow strong roots so you can blossom oh so big.
And now — with each passing day I open my capacity to receive joy, freedom, power and strength.
Rooting down in the knowing that I am the daughter of the Earth and Sky.
The power of unseen forces all resides in me.
I’ve connected to my power. Wield it like a goddess, and grow more confident in that all the time.
Because I learned how to endure. Stopped running away.
And maybe this is where the balance comes in —
There will be a time, too, when you’re called to release the struggle, drop the heavy weight of being so good at suffering and pain, and learn to fly.
This is the contradiction inherent in endurance.
It’s like what they say about entrepreneurship — it’s doing what others won’t so you can live like they can’t.
When you learn to stick with it, to stay the course, to feel the feelings and stop running away, anything is possible.
I guess you can learn to endure the pain of living a life that’s not true to you, or you can endure the pain of breaking free from everything that suffocates you. The choice is yours.
Don’t let the slick social media feeds fool you —
Behind the scenes of anything glamorous and beautiful, there is a whole lot of grunt and grind.
The deeper you go, the higher you rise.
Learn how to endure, and then you will see — everything you want, it’s already yours.
Just keep showing up. And also — be careful what you’re enduring.
What do you think?
Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Did this resonate with you? Forward this article to a friend or share on social media.
All the love,
p.s. The Universe told me to create a very special offer for someone who is serious about changing her life and desires an incredible amount of personalized support to achieve her goals.
If you’ve felt for any reason you’re pretty average, happy to coast along making do with a conventional life, or feel like one day life will change your luck for you, then this isn’t an offer you should remotely consider.
However, if you know you’re special, with extraordinary gifts and talents even if that feels weird to admit to yourself, and with a deep desire in your heart to give those gifts to the world (and make amazing money doing it), then this offer is meant for you.
This is a yearlong, 1:1 spiritual advising opportunity, the likes of which I’ve never offered before.
As I expand more into my specific techniques for unlocking deep healing, and explore my gifts of high intuition, deep spiritual insight to help people illuminate patterns of self-sabotage and suffering, uncanny ability to make the unknown known, and speaking difficult truths in the most loving way, I’ve grown to LOVE working with people privately.
Courses are great, and mine get next-level results because they’re deeper than most offerings on the market, but without a doubt —
the best way to create transformation is to receive personal support.
I’m consistently blown away by how much progress my clients make in such a short amount of time. This is because I attract badass action takers, but also because receiving support in such a pure way of the client / advisor relationship is RARE in this world.
Where else can you meet with someone wise and kind, who devotes her full attention to you, with the singular purpose to help you transcend your limitations and realize your full potential?
This is not something a friend, lover, or family member can do, no matter how much they love you. I don’t know your small self. I don’t even see your small self. She is invisible to me.
I see your higher self. I hold space for the woman you are becoming.
I offer breakthrough questions and insights that dissolve years of struggle and confusion in a single session.
It’s also funny that many mentors and advisors, do LESS 1:1 as they advance in their careers, while I am doing MORE.
This is part of my purpose — to hold space for high-achieving, powerful women to do the inner work that will help them release inner roadblocks and create miraculous external shifts.
Don’t worry if that description scares you a little. If you’ve resonated so far, this offer may be for you.
My yearlong 1:1 mentoring package is for the woman who:
- Has a high self-expectation that sometimes works against her because she uses that expectation to maintain the increasingly fragile status quo of her important relationships rather than realize her bigger dreams.
- Struggles to follow her true dreams, which she fears are cute or impossible to earn money from (even though deep down she knows this isn’t true), but also because she doesn’t want to disappoint her family.
- Feels anxious or uncertain because her most important relationships have been shifting, and she’s not sure how to navigate that. Part of her fears these changes and what they say about who she is, and another part feels excited because she knows there’s untapped freedom somewhere inside.
- Has yet to fully embody the power of her emotions. Has always been taught that emotions are weak or wrong, and even though her journey has led her to intellectually disavow this idea, she’s still not sure how to stop judging herself for feeling and truly access the wisdom of her emotional body.
- Is a high-achiever and can’t imagine life without realizing her full potential and using all the gifts she’s been given to make the world a better place.
These are the characteristics I’ve received straight from the universe. If this speaks to you on the soul level, this offer is for you. Currently I have only one
or two space available.
Please reply to this email if your heart says yes and you’re ready to invest in yourself.
This is for the woman who is ready to create her dream life, and who understands the value of shifting more in a year than most people do in a lifetime.
Can’t wait to connect with you!
Your articles are very realistic and you have a talent on passing down experience in written form. I can relate many of that and it’s really cool to find people like you in the world. Takes a strong heart you know. One day I will get to where you are Mrs Heyn, thank you so much! This article will help me with my next employment and life itself. 😀
@M3n Si$t@ !!!
I read your description of the woman you seek for a yearlong 1-1 mentoring package and felt compelled to reach out to you. I have been studying and learning about gratitude and shifting from scarcity mentality to that of abundance for a while now. I’m doing it on my own and it often feels like two steps forward followed by one step back. I still often trip and fall into the trap of fear and lack, but with the difference that I now understand that I am creating the scenarios that I don’t like, through my way of thinking and the emotions that come with it. I feel like I am that woman you are describing. I know what I need to do and not do, but I find it hard to do it all alone, without any support or feedback.
I have this dream of creating a brand new type of social network, first here in my own country, but later I’d love to take the concept to an international level. This new network is meant to help people feel less lonely by connecting them with likeminded others in an atmosphere of a friendly community. I also want to teach companies to grow through increasing theirs corporate social responsibility and to see their profit grow as a consequence of this social and empathic focus, rather than a direct focus on their financial goals. I have the business idea outlined and I know how it is going to work, but I lack the skills of software Development for creating it. So the idea has just been sitting there for years now, only progressed a little bit because I took out a loan and paid someone to do develope the core platform, which is really just the tip of the iceberg. I know this is what I want to create and work with in my future, and I just know this idea can contribute to making the world a better place for a lot of people but I keep getting older and the idea keeps sitting there, with only little or no progress. I do have the endurance to keep believing in this, but I think I might lack the endurance to actually make it happen and I would just hate to leave this life one day, without having created my life’s dream.
I have seen gratitude work wonders in my personal relationships recently so I know I’m on to something truly amazing, with this gratitude practice. I have been single for many years, because I had a hard time falling enough in love with someone, to wanna stay with them. I’d always find faults with them very quickly. Then something changed this summer, after I’ve been working though some childhood issues and coming to understand where my deepest emotional wounds are coming from. I met a man about 4 months ago and fell head over heals in love with him. He seemed to be just as much in love with me at first and we moved the relationship ahead way too quickly, also involving our children. But then my old pattern started to come back. I started to focus on all the things I felt he was lacking, wondering if I could really live with those things long term. And surely but slowly I started to feel a change in him too, like he was pulling back, until one day, he just stopped writing me. I feared losing him during that period of time because I was still very much in love with him, but I didn’t connect the dots to see that me starting to think about his lacks and flaws, coinsided with him pulling back. Long story cut a bit shorter, we did get back together after a while but it kept feeling hard and heavy for a long time, while I was still focused on the fear that he might leave me again or that maybe he didn’t feel as strongly about me as I did about him. But then I read this book called “The Magic” which is basically about practicing gratitude, and I started using it intensely every day, with a special focus on him and our relationship. I suddenly realized how much he has actually changed for the better in those few months we’ve known each other and how much he was actually doing all the time, to align his way of life, to my way of life. I felt this deep gratitude to realize how he has stayed with me, even through my occational emotional outbursts, without ever saying a bad thing to me in return. He probably accepted a lot more drama than what most other men would accept in the early stages of a new relationship. So I started to see and understand all the things that he had done so good and well, along with seeing my own faults in the relationship, to the point of becoming so embarrased for my own erratic behavior and for what I’d put him through. I started to feel so grateful for him and for all the little things (which actually mounted to a lot when combined) that he had done for me and for us and I started to show him my appriciation of him. And things shifted between us almost immidiately. He started answering all my texts again and he started to take initiative again, which was one of the things he had stopped doing for a while. And I even felt my feelings for him shift from this intense feeling of need and longing, into this quiet warm and blissful feeling instead. The passion is still very much there but it is like it is fueled from a different source than before. To be honest, it feels like I myself have shifted from needing him, to just loving him instead. It is a rather subtle and yet very powerful feeling.
I’m intending to use this approach in my somewhat troubled relationship to me parents as well and with the practice I’ve had with my man, I think I have a good chance of expanding the concept to other relationships as well. But I still feel at loss as far as how to implement this on my busyness idea for the new network and for how to turn this long-held dream of mine into reality. So I’m hoping that maybe me and my dream with be a good fit for your 1-1 mentorship 🙂
I live in Denmark btw.
Best regards, Maibritt Brodersen (or just May for short)