Oh the rage. The frustration. The straight up angst of wanting what you don’t have, longing to fulfill a desire you have no idea how to fulfill, but wanting to realize your deepest desires.
The mind-blowing intensity of seeing exactly who you’re meant to be. And then opening your eyes to be let down by the life before your eyes, right now.
I guess as a “spiritual guru,” I shouldn’t say such things. Good thing I AM NOT A SPIRITUAL GURU. I have never once said that I was. I did call myself a teacher a few times, but as I dig deeper into my soul and connect more fully to my true purpose, I’ve realized I’m a writer. Always have been and always will.
A writer who offers courses that will change your life, no question, and occasionally offers mentoring to smart, soulful people who know they were made for more and must have it now.
Also to come: Many, many books, at least one of which will become a NY Times bestseller. And at least one of which will become a movie made after my crazy life. Who will the actress be?!
To commemorate this dramatic shift from trying to be someone I’m not because I was still unclear on exactly who I was, into knowing my soul deeply and stepping into a whole new level of emboldened confidence, I bought some ridiculously amazing sunglasses that scream Queen. (I am the Queen of Authenticity. If you don’t know, now you know.) Check them out here.
Back to the rage. And the frustration. The relentless, unrequited desire that could drive a woman mad.
Amid an insanely generous outpouring, a flood really, of support last week from this amazing community, the people who totally get the vision of this becoming THE gathering place for smart, soulful women and men who want to break free from all external expectations to embrace true freedom, their amazing eccentricities, and blinding intelligence to become who they’re meant to be.
The place where sensitivity is a superpower and being downright weird is an entry requirement. (I think I’ll create a test, to see how weird people are. And kick the normals out. Because mediocrity is death.)
Anyway, amid this generous outpouring that blew my heart open, one former student wrote me that I was being aggressive and questioned the energy I was bringing to my life. She suggested that I was falling off the path of peace. And I wasn’t offended this time, because the haters ignited my inner fire to a whole new level.
I’ve never felt more clear, confident and certain, and I’m so grateful for the experience. If you’re a hater, you’re a fan!
The point of all of this is that aggression can be good!
It can help you realize your deepest desires. You don’t want to lose your soul in anger, but frustration, anger, aggression — these things can all be used to inspire forward momentum and change your life. Anger can become passion, used to fuel incredible action.
Just make sure you’re working toward building a new vision instead of fighting against the old. Fighting against things never works, in your personal life or with activism. Always build something new.
In life, it’s not until after getting so tired of suffering, or so over the way things have been, that you truly develop the tenacity to realize your deepest desires. You NEED a little frustration to ignite your inner passion, remove resistance and do that which you previously lacked enough oomph to overcome if you want to realize your deepest desires.
Anger, frustration and aggression are bad when….
You stay locked in victim mode, blaming other people for your circumstances. We all do this. Just last night I got a bad night’s rest and blamed my husband for tossing and turning. But come on, it’s really that I’ve been going to bed too late for too long, ate too many M&Ms at my mother-in-law’s house, and have fallen off my exercise routine.
I’m eager to break into a new level, and the first thing that has to shift is my habits. But in order to change them, it sure helps to get super frustrated with the way things are!
I’m also embodying a deeper level of confidence and self-belief than I ever have before and you know a great way to find the inspiration? To be so frustrated and over your current state that you absolutely cannot continue the way things are. Cannot. That’s the only way we ever change.
There’s a point at which all this fire sabotages you.
And that’s when it legit starts making you unhappy. At best, it should be an inspiration. A way to fuel you to make necessary changes, do uncomfortable things and stretch beyond your comfort zone in the name of growth and evolution, to realize your deepest desires.
But you have to be unattached to the outcome. Still accepting of what is. That may seem like an oxymoron, but you can only truly change once you’ve accepted the way things are.
Think of how the first step to shift if you’re say, an addict, is to admit that you have a problem. It’s all about acceptance.Change isn’t built on resistance but acceptance and frustration. Click To Tweet
This is where a lot of spirituality clashes with the needs of soulful, ambitious people like us. We’re told to just accept, just let go, and not given a clear pathway to realize your deepest desires.
If you accept things you’re not happy with, you find peace, but too often, you soon fall back into old patterns. Or your peace is predicated not on true empowerment, but on drowning your deepest, soul desires in self-help and deep breathing.
Nevertheless, you have to trust it’s all working out for the greatest good. You have to trust the timing of the universe and have faith so deep that everything is working out for you exactly as it’s meant to, as long as you are taking the action that needs to be taken in order to realize your deepest desires.
This is that balance of stoking the fire, feeding it with fresh wood to keep it roaring, without making it so big that you get burned.
A balance. It’s not easy. But nothing worthwhile ever is.
A lot of people can’t stop themselves from getting burned, engulfed in the fire of unrequited desire.
And so they extinguish their fire all together. Become placid and boring and “go with the flow, man,” all while wasting their true potential, never realizing their dreams, and never really getting what they want, just taking small, friendly steps that will never bother anyone or make a difference.
But even if you’re so peaceful and compassionate and NICE, and you feel good about your Zen-like world, if you’re truly one of us, your heart will always long for more — to realize your deepest desires.
If you’re not careful, instead of tempting fate and facing the occasional burn, you’ll pour water on your soul and true desires, settling for the crumbs that fall your way.
Crumbs! You can’t change the world with crumbs.
Why spend your life finding satisfaction with what’s left over? And yet so many people live their lives this way. Making do with the crumbs of time, money and energy that are left over after everyone else’s needs are satisfied because they’re afraid of taking what they truly want. Not asking, mind you. Taking.
Living on crumbs is no way to live. Not for me, not for you, and not for anyone who has big dreams and things to do in this crazy wide world where anything is possible as long as you believe. (And as long as you have a good fire suit. Maybe an oxygen mask, too.)
One more problem I have with the you’re-just-so-aggressive-and-full-of-desire-quiet-down police is especially when women say this to other women. It’s straight up girl-on-girl violence. Essentially saying, sit down, shut up and be a good girl.
The same bullshit we’ve been fed for centuries. And I don’t know about you, but I was not born to be a good girl.
I was born to be wild. Born to be crazy. Born to blow through this world with my mad, crazy self, Queen of Authenticity sunglasses in tow and smiling as the fire blazes all around me. Because baby, I was born to be a star. And if you’re in this community, I’m guessing you were, too.
And today, starting today in a fresher, bolder way, I am taking a leap forward for both of us. And I’m going to guide you, and everyone else in this community, to a place where your dreams come true, you turn every obstacle into fuel for the fire, you learn your life lessons, and every drop of pain transmutes into passion.
Because you know the joy that’s coming. You’ve got a fire in your eyes. And nobody can stop you now. Nobody.
What’s currently frustrating you? What breakthroughs is life inviting you to make to realize your deepest desires? Share your thoughts in the comments below! Feel free to connect with others and start a conversation!
I hope this resonated with you!
Lots of love,
p.s. Ready to deepen your soulful journey with an online course? Check out your options here.
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