What to do when your heart hurts - Suzanne Heyn

What to do when your heart hurts

what to do when your heart hurts and you feel sad

In a world obsessed with finding happiness, it’s easy to feel like a failure when your heart hurts.

We own it, say things like “my sadness.” We judge ourselves, compare ourselves against others who seem to have it all together, who seem to have it all figured out.

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Everyone searches for happiness, but this only makes us resist sadness. When your heart hurts, it's a call for love. To deepen your spiritual practice and reconnect to your true self. Read more at SuzanneHeyn.com and download a free meditation while you're there.

We embark on spiritual journeys, determined to eradicate this vexing dark cloud to the closet where it belongs. Like being spiritual prevents you from experiencing sadness. If anything, you feel MORE and your heart hurts more because you feel everything more deeply.

A lot of new age spirituality even makes people fear their emotions, like they’re not high vibe enough if they feel sad and deserve every single bad thing that happens to them because well, if you’re sad, you’re calling bad things in. You’re making them happen to you. It’s all your fault.

Humans often look at sadness, sickness, and tough times in life like a punishment. We’re never being punished. The universe is merely responding to us, teaching us, helping us expand.

Sometimes the lessons are painful, but the pain is good for you. It makes you strong.


Everyone’s so busy chasing happiness, they forget what it means to be human.


Life flows in and out. Sometimes it’s high, other times it’s low. Sometimes it’s fast and sometimes it’s slow.

Sometimes melancholy comes for no reason, other times things feel light and easy.

Each cycle, each season has its own beauty, each phase of life offers meaning. As humans, we worry and cling, wondering what we’re doing when life isn’t high all the time. That’s because we’ve irrationally selected our primary goal as happiness when happiness is just the other coin as sadness. Both are fleeting.

It’s okay if your heart hurts. It’s an opportunity to love yourself more.

No human in history has ever been happy 100% of the time and yet that’s the goal many people have. We set ourselves up for failure. And failure brings more sadness. More feelings of separation and inadequacy.

The problem isn’t when sadness comes, because it always does. The problem is how we respond to it.


How we judge ourselves for feeling it. How we blame ourselves for being wrong or doing the wrong things or judging life itself for sucking and never giving us what we want.

These down times are natural. When your heart hurts, tend to your wounds like you would an injured child. Make yourself hot tea, say nice things to yourself. Be there for yourself. Don’t judge or abandon yourself — that makes it worse.

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When your heart hurts, love yourself, don't judge yourself. Happiness is found by loving yourself and finding peace in every situation. Read more at SuzanneHeyn.com

Slow down and embrace a slower pace, a feeling. Maybe there’s a message for you. Maybe the winds of change are asking to remove things that no longer serve you. Clinging to the sadness, judging yourself for it, these activities stifle the flow of life and prevent you from flowing with it.

They stop you from enjoying the lightness when it comes because you’re still wading through the darkness, looking for something that’s no longer there.

Sadness is not yours, it’s not mine — it’s ours. Nobody owns sadness. It’s part of the human condition, something that unites us all.

The down times carve us. The valleys of life — these are the times when we dig deep and truly begin to know ourselves. These are the times when we develop that unshakeable self love, through the practice.

Supporting yourself when your heart hurts is how you develop that unshakeable confidence to follow your heart no matter what. It’s not something anybody outside of yourself can teach you, but something you must experiment with and learn on your own.

Teachers, books, courses, sure these things may help. But ultimately we are each responsible for finding our own way through the inner wildness of our own souls.

Peeling back each layer like an onion, each layer gets us closer and closer to truth. Each layer is a little more unnerving to unravel. Find the audacity to keep unraveling, and you’ll have the audacity to live your life exactly as you desire.


You learn to be bold as you learn how to truly live.


The down times are the times new dreams are born. The times are when new directions are imagined. When new hopes are planted.

So when your heart hurts, turn back to spirit. Use a spiritual practice like medicine. Meditate more. Ask your higher self for guidance and support. Spend more time in nature.

The inclination is to judge and hate and resist.

But this is a call from your highest to accept and love and surrender.

The choice is yours. What do you choose?

I hope this served you.

All the love,


p.s. I’d love to have more of you in my world. Join me on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest (new!) and YouTube.




Suzanne Heyn is a spiritual blogger and online course creator here to help soulful creatives live from the heart. If you're ready to discover your purpose, live in abundance and experience the freedom your heart longs for, you're in the right place. All the wisdom you need is right inside your soul, and I’m here to help you find it.

  • Dana Marie says:

    This is such a beautiful post, Suzanne! That part about New Age spirituality making people feel bad for feeling bad is especially important – I don’t think there’s anyone out there who doesn’t suffer sometimes, no matter how high their vibe, and making people feel like their sadness is their fault has never been a great way to make someone feel better! I was going through a really rough time a few months ago and as you said, the thing that finally helped was turning inward and tuning into my spirituality. Thank you for the reminder <3

    • Suzanne Heyn says:

      Hi Dana Marie,

      Thank you for the sweet comment! I’m so glad the post resonated with you. It’s wonderful to hear that spirituality helped guide you through your dark times and open your heart even more. I totally agree — blaming people for feeling sad doesn’t do any good!

      Thanks again for taking the time to comment.

      All the best,

  • Thank you so much for a great post. Love your blog ❤️

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