Not getting what you want in life? This blog will reveal the deeper subconscious reasons why we block ourselves from receiving our deepest desires.
I am so beyond excited to travel to Italy next month.
My life-long dream has always been to explore the world, learn about life, and share the insights with my beloved readers, clients and fans.
After many, many years and a ton of inner and outer work, my dreams are becoming true.
There were a few especially stubborn inner blocks that needed to unravel in order for me to live this dream. I’ll share the biggest one with you today because this can result in you not getting what you want no matter how hard you try.
Because just seven months ago, these unconscious blocks stopped me from going on a trip I really wanted to go on.
We don’t live in a cause-and-effect, logical world as much as society says we do.
We live in an energetic world where the thoughts you think affect your reality and the energy you pour into your actions influences their outcome.
I can assure you that if you if some part of you feels unsafe in getting what you want or being who you really are because of a core wound, you won’t allow yourself to create the very thing you most desire, no matter how hard you throw yourself against brick walls trying to create it.
This is the story I want to share with you today.
Since I was a young girl reading Jack Kerouac and longing for the day I’d be free to live my own life, I dreamed of traveling the world and writing about it.
At various times through my life, this dream has seemed closer than others. After college, I did roam the world, moving to Hawaii and Oregon before deciding it was time to grow up and get a real job.
In between adventures, I returned to my mom’s house for a brief stay.
One day, I have no idea how it happened, but we got into a huge fight.
And she freaked out, stomping her foot, screaming at me, “WHY CAN’T YOU BE NORMAL?”
I of course am not a huge fan of sharing this story, but I feel like it’s really important because so many of us have at one time felt unlovable for being who we really are.
Although I moved to Portland, less than a year later, the voices started whispering.
Maybe it’s time to grow up.
Be an adult and get a real job.
You’re never going to make it as a writer anyway.
So I got a “real job” as a newspaper reporter, and two years later, I got cancer.
Coincidence? I think not. When we deny the callings of our hearts, the natural intelligence that shapes us into who we are meant to be, we suffer. Emotionally first. Then physically.
Living a life that’s true to you isn’t a cute meme on Instagram. It’s a matter of life or death.
I’m not blaming my mother. Of course I made my own decisions. But the unprocessed pain from that moment lived on for many years until I did the work to heal it.
A 40-day yoga practice that became The Big Shift healed me emotionally and energetically and helped me return to my true path after years of feeling confused about my true purpose.
It created space in my resistance in which I gained the courage to start my blog.
But there was a deeper pain blocking me from allowing myself to travel, the thing I most wanted.
Truthfully, I thought that dream was gone. Something for kids, and not an appropriate longing for a grown woman.
Over the years, I worked hard on my blog and started to make a decent amount of money.
To achieve this goal, I worked through money blocks that said I couldn’t earn for my passion, but only doing work I hated.
I worked through fears that said nobody wanted to listen to what I wanted to say.
I worked through limiting beliefs that had me working myself into the ground rather than letting it be easy. (Though to be honest, this is a work in progress.)
But every time I made money, I spent it on more courses, more coaching, more things to learn how to grow my business.
These things were very useful.
I’ve invested tens of thousands of dollars to receive the guidance and support I needed to turn my dreams into reality.
I wouldn’t be where I am today without these investments.
(If you’re holding onto your pennies tightly, terrified to invest in yourself, this is honestly one of the reasons you’re not growing like you want.)
But not all of it was necessary.
I would soon realize that much of it was diversion, keeping myself safe from doing the thing I most longed to do.
First, while working with a mentor, I realized that my original dream to travel the world, do crazy things and write about it was not dead, but very much alive!
Then later, after missing the chance for Italy last year, I looked within again, wondering why the eff my dreams seemed so hard to achieve.
Using the shadow work process I teach (and that you can learn for free here), I discovered an Earth-rattling truth.
I believed I could travel.
But I didn’t believe I’d be worthy of love when I came back.
And that’s why.
That’s why every time I hit one goal, I’d immediately set a higher one, feeling like the first one didn’t really matter at all.
That’s why I spent such a huge portion of earnings on courses and coaching rather than doing the thing I most wanted to do.
Awareness is the first step. Next comes conscious change.
With really deep pains, the emotional trigger doesn’t always immediately fade.
Before booking the tickets, I felt SO guilty.
Can I really spend this much money on a trip?
Can I really go while my husband stays home? (He’s not interested in traveling like I am and is a million percent supportive.)
Do I really deserve this?
But the inner work and the awareness is a gift.
Before, I would have unconsciously set a larger goal and not allowed myself to plan a trip at all.
And without another layer of awareness, I may have identified with the guilt and allowed it to stop me from going.
I would have latched onto some practical concern like money or safety or perhaps even manifested a logistical reason to stop me from going like before, and I would have blamed reality when the real truth would have been that I was nervous of coming home to a husband that no longer loved me for following my dream.
But now, I’ve done the healing.
I know what I want.
I know the exact inner pains that have stopped me from claiming the life I’ve worked so hard to live.
I recognized the guilt, the doubt, and the fear, and told myself —
Suzanne. This is what you’ve always wanted. You are alive to follow your dreams. This experience is worth way more than money. You can always make more. And in fact, living in alignment with your soul IS the way to make more money.
(It’s true. I make money every time I travel. Last winter, I upgraded my hotel in Santa Monica even though it “wasted” money, and had my biggest revenue month ever. As my favorite money mentor Amanda Frances says, you can’t waste money because you can always make more. It’s an energy thing.)
That doesn’t mean the guilt goes away.
That means I felt the guilt and did it anyway.
Buying those tickets, booking the retreat, planning my adventure —
I cannot describe to you how good it feels.
Life will never be perfect.
But we deserve to make it wonderful.
If you’re not getting what you want, I hope you find the courage to look within.
The first step is to grab the free meditation below for emotional healing.
If this resonated with you, comment below and then share this article with someone you want to see succeed.
All the love,
PS — And of course in the blog I wrote last year when my dreams of Italy washed away, I soon found a trip I WAS willing to pay for.
A trip to a Hay House conference in Colorado to learn how to be good enough to get a publisher’s attention and a book deal.
That conference was a disaster and affirmed to me that IDGAF about fitting into the mainstream’s ideals of what’s necessary to sell books.
I’ll be over here writing my blog and selling my courses and changing lives and maybe one day when I feel ready, write a book and sell it on Amazon without ever needing a gatekeeper to dictate what I say and how I say it.
You can’t make this stuff up.